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Saturday, September 14, 2013

What I want my kids to know about purity- Response to Mrs. Hall's FYI

I came across this blog FYI (if you're a teenage girl) written by a mother with teenage boys.  It warns girls that if they post even one  inappropriate picture online, they will be banned from her boys' online experience. I thought the article was well written and I found myself cheering her on for the most part. It also made me think of many important things I wanted my sweet little daughter to know as she grows into a young lady. 

You are one of a kind.
There is no one else like you. God made you exactly how you are. There will be things you excel in, and some that you may struggle with. Find something you love and practice. The possibilities are endless!

You are valuable.
You are a princess. Your purity is a VERY valuable gift that can be opened one time and given to one special person. You need to guard and protect it until you find the man that you will spend the rest of your life with.  Boys who try to try to pressure you or open that gift before you are married are not valuing you as a lady. Wait for the gentleman who sees how valuable you are and is willing to wait for you. 

You are Beautiful.
Comparing yourself to other girls is the most dangerous thing you can do for your self worth. The girls you see in magazines and in movies are not reality. When you're older, I will show you this short video called Dove Evolution of how deceiving marketing can be with the use of computers and airbrushing.  You don't have to have expensive clothes, fancy hair and makeup, and lots of money to be beautiful. Just be nice and love people and you will shine.  We want to honor the guys in our life by wearing clothes that will not cause them to stumble or struggle. We will find modest swimsuits, shorts, dresses, and tank tops that are just as cute as the ones that are revealing. Be creative with your dress and you can express who you are.

Her article got some flack for not talking about the responsibility her boys have to keep themselves pure and some people felt like she put all of the blame on the girls who were posting these pictures. I read a GREAT article by a father to his son called Seeing a Woman. I almost cried while reading it. To be honest, I am a little scared for my son to grow up in this world. I pray that we can instill love, honor, and respect for women at an early age. 
There were many excellent points he brought up that I would like to impart into my son...

You are in charge of your thoughts
 He wrote, "It is a woman's responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing."  My youth pastor used to say, "you can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop it from building a nest in your hair."

He also advised, " You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing - or not wearing. But don't. Don't play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh." 

You need to value women
Again, Nate explained it well. "A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.
I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being."

You can be virtuous
Virtuous men do exist. I know they do because I married one. As a teenager, I was around guys who made the girls around them feel  secure (when they weren't teasing them about various issues). I remember a specific time at a large amusement park where there were girls walking around in bikini tops and short shorts unzipped to show their bikini bottoms.  Even though it was juvenile and a maybe a little  immature, the boys in my youth group would walk past a scantily clad girl, and put their hand up to the side of their face like a horse blinder in order to shield themselves from seeing her.  They sometimes would yell, "put some clothes on" (told you it wasn't the most mature situation). But, it did speak to me that these boys did not want to be around girls who wore clothes to draw attention to their bodies.  I remember one of them joking that it would be easier if all girls just wore potato sacks. I decided that it would be selfish for a girl to wear whatever she wanted or whatever made her feel "sexy".  Yes, they are ultimately responsible for their thoughts, but we can help them by being modest and still look pretty.

Luckily, I found a guy who makes me feel completely secure and honored when it comes to guarding his eyes.  His devotion to me alone is constantly reaffirmed whenever a woman comes on the tv wearing something inappropriate and he immediately looks away from the screen. Or if a sexual situation arises in something we're watching, he will turn the channel or we'll fast forward to shield ourselves from any temptation that could come from watching the filth.  Some might say that is over the top or that I'm insecure if I need him to only look at me, but I will say that it makes me feel protected. If he was  looking at other women in a sexual way, I would feel inadequate, vulnerable, and worthless.  I'm thankful that I found a great man, and I hope that my son will follow in his footsteps. 

Please feel free to leave a comment. These are just a few of my thoughts and opinions and I am always open to feedback and respectful discussion.


  1. What a wonderful article Kristin. Your children are blessed to have a mom like you. =)

  2. Great article! I completely agree with you on duo-responsibility. It's a girls' responsibility to dress modestly and a guys' responsibility to take ownership for his eyes! I also love what you have to say about not comparing yourself to other girls. How freeing it would be to grow up this way!

    1. Thank you! Not comparing yourself to others seems to be a lifelong struggle. Hopefully I can teach her that being healthy and taking care of yourself is the most important thing (I need to remember that for myself)!